"i hate rainbows" sage came to me and said this as i was playing with my phone. so naturally i took a video of it. it's quite the sight.
"why do you hate rainbows?" i questioned her, a little sadly. she looked up at me with her deep brown eyes and sighed.
"i just do. they mean rain." she proceeded to tell me all about rainbows and how they mean rain and even though they are very beautiful she just hates them.
it made me think back to days when i didn't worry about what people wanted and i didn't worry about stopping myself from being myself. when days were filled with running through parks and around the beach without a care. i used to pay close attention to nature when i was young. somehow knowing that that would be my only solace. knowing that someday the world would be full to it's brim with people and nature would slowly fade. knowing that our time here is limited and we must enjoy it. i knew that when i was young. watching the clouds go by without worrying of time.
"enjoy your youth, live it to the fullest." i remember telling myself to enjoy my childhood as life would never be as forgiving again. i pass that to my daughters now. i also tell them the "revelations" i had as a child. of being aware of the change that would happen with nature, the population, and life. i suppose everyone has that knowledge, deep down. i just felt i tapped into it better. but we are full of ourselves. ;}
there is no way i want to live my adolescence again but i miss that feeling....
i've forgotten what it is like to be free.
slowly i'm working to change that.
=^..^=
p.s. hi bruce. :)
26.4.07
i hate rainbows
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2 comments:
I've read your entire blog and would like to comment on what I feel after reading it. You are a very interesting woman, mom, and wife. It is so sad that your husband is into "who knows what" ?
Address this problem and don't let it fester much longer as you only live once and yes you deserve some attention ok ? You mention living like roommates . You talk about helping that depressed lady. Well start trying to help your marriage girl instead of going thru the motions . Did I say I have the answers ? Well I don't but being married to the same woman for 28 years and raising 4 kids I might be able to give some clues. Maybe I am that person in the lucid dream . Here to help the one who is always helping others but needs a push to help herself. Great post on smoking cigs out the condo at night listening to music . That's a great piece of writing . I am a musician, a piano player , not currently working as one but that is where my talent resides. I live on a farm in amish country pa with just 1 child still at home and wife started working but I can't seem to find any kind of work . We have 3 labradors who keep me hustling more than the 4 kids did. 3 cats also but they are no work at all . God has blessed me with so much in life and I need to find a way to find his plan for me as to reciprocate all the blessings he has showered on me. Perhaps I could help you in some small way. Let's start tonight with a small step in your recovery. After kids go to bed try to sit with the Mr. and tell him how sore your feet are and ask if he would please give you a massage or your back hurts or back of your legs , anything to try to get some sort of spark ignited and some human contact is the goal. Even if it doesn't lead to anything more it is a great opportunity to try and communicate with each other and tell him how you truly feel . If not tonight then tomorrow or sunday but get it done this weekend.
GOGIRL
Bruce
i must say thank you for reaching out. too many times i feel i am lost in the shadows. i appreciate your advice and plan to take action this weekend! thank you for taking time out of your life to share in mine. perhaps you are the man i spoke with lucidly. i wouldn't be surprised. :) you sound like you have had a very successful life and i only hope i can do the same. i don't believe that someone work defines them, you are obviously a well rounded person with or without employment. thank you for your encouragement and your words. it's great to hear from another musician. when music is so much a part of your life it's hard to be bigoted. you seem very interesting yourself and i look forward to having some great exchanges with you. :) thank you so much. =^..^=
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