interesting

i've always found it interesting that people who tell you to fuck off end up searching for you in the end. it's odd to me though because whenever i've told someone i want nothing to do with them i never try to contact them again. so to me the act is so foreign i must wonder about it from time to time. there aren't many people i've told to get out of my life and never come back. it takes something very serious for me to do that. i've always found comfort in the company of others and have never been really confidant in the feelings of my companions. sadly, i treat every friendship like they are going to leave sometime or another. it never crosses my mind that someone will be a lifelong friend. currently there are a few, if i had to say, that will be lifelong friends but i don't expect it of them. i don't think i would go so far as to tell someone who helped me in so many ways for so long that they are a bad person, especially when i learned many a valuable lesson from them. but if i were to do so i don't think i would ever try to contact them again, let a lone try to see how they are doing. when you smash a relationship so brutally how can you expect there to be anything to pick up? how can you expect said person to welcome you back with open arms regardless of how open they were when your relationship was at it's prime. i have to wonder about that because i can't imagine trying to speak with someone whom you professed their inability to care and love, what do you expect them to say? especially when you can't even apologize for what you did? how can you accuse someone of doing something, that in your mind was so heinous, when you yourself played every part in it and also did yourself? how can you be upset at someone for something they did to you when you were much worse? it's strange so me. if you take advantage and never give with your take how can your relationships grow? how can you expect to be fulfilled in love when all you do is take? you had a diamond in your hands, as fragile as a spider, and you crushed it so easily. then you wonder why you can't seem to love. instead of blaming maybe you need to look inward at yourself. there will be no hope for you otherwise. it's so easy to point out others shortcomings without even looking in the mirror at your own. it's so easy to ignore the fact that you are as bad as anyone. =^..^=