quiet

if you haven't heard from me for sometime now it's because the house is going through another sickley spell. the girls are now fine and jim went through it but now i'm sick. this sucks. we only have one more week to get everything perfect and move before someone comes in to look at the nursery and put it up for rent. it's okay because we have figured out when we're going to do what and are just about done setting up the new place so things should fall into place. but we killed most of our new babies...for some reason the pump stopped working and they weren't getting water or nutes. so i bought a new machine and some are bouncing back. i hope noel really doesn't mind helping us. i hope he can. matt is almost done with the walls and electric i believe he'll finish monday. then we can take over. it will be nice. :) anyhow, that's the happs! hope you're all well. love. =^..^=

finally!

well i'm finished with my two commissioned pieces. i hope the receivers like them!! the orchid came out okay, there are some areas i'm not too pleased with but as a whole it came out fine. i'm sure erica will enjoy it. the lily looks good too, again some areas are shakey but roderick will most likely love it. feel free to be brutally honest! i can take it. after all i do dish it out! *giggle man reading my last few posts, can you tell i've got my little red ghost? too funny!! =^..^=

interesting

i've always found it interesting that people who tell you to fuck off end up searching for you in the end. it's odd to me though because whenever i've told someone i want nothing to do with them i never try to contact them again. so to me the act is so foreign i must wonder about it from time to time. there aren't many people i've told to get out of my life and never come back. it takes something very serious for me to do that. i've always found comfort in the company of others and have never been really confidant in the feelings of my companions. sadly, i treat every friendship like they are going to leave sometime or another. it never crosses my mind that someone will be a lifelong friend. currently there are a few, if i had to say, that will be lifelong friends but i don't expect it of them. i don't think i would go so far as to tell someone who helped me in so many ways for so long that they are a bad person, especially when i learned many a valuable lesson from them. but if i were to do so i don't think i would ever try to contact them again, let a lone try to see how they are doing. when you smash a relationship so brutally how can you expect there to be anything to pick up? how can you expect said person to welcome you back with open arms regardless of how open they were when your relationship was at it's prime. i have to wonder about that because i can't imagine trying to speak with someone whom you professed their inability to care and love, what do you expect them to say? especially when you can't even apologize for what you did? how can you accuse someone of doing something, that in your mind was so heinous, when you yourself played every part in it and also did yourself? how can you be upset at someone for something they did to you when you were much worse? it's strange so me. if you take advantage and never give with your take how can your relationships grow? how can you expect to be fulfilled in love when all you do is take? you had a diamond in your hands, as fragile as a spider, and you crushed it so easily. then you wonder why you can't seem to love. instead of blaming maybe you need to look inward at yourself. there will be no hope for you otherwise. it's so easy to point out others shortcomings without even looking in the mirror at your own. it's so easy to ignore the fact that you are as bad as anyone. =^..^=

oh sister-in-law

well i have learned that while mom and i were at the wedding, and melinda was supposed to be watching the kids so the guys could work, something very upsetting went on. mihi was wailing and walking around the house. we aren't sure for how long. jim turned off the jack hammer and heard her so he went in the house. melinda gave him a dirty look and said she has been wailing and walking around the house while melinda just sat there and watched her. she said to jim that she didn't know what to do. jim said what would you do with your own kid. well i guess it happened again later and melinda again just sat there without doing anything. not even picking her up. so my dad came in to pick her up because jim went to go get the car from the shop. i just can't believe it. i would never just watch while a baby was roaming around wailing and so upset. i was so pissed when i heard about it. i made sure it is clear to everyone she is not to be alone with my children EVER! how could she be so mean. if stanton were crying and upset i would pick him up, not just sit there and watch him lose it. mihi probably thought she was alone the entire time and was so upset! some aunt melinda is. i just can't believe it. =^..^=

bunko

so i went to bunko last night. i love to go because usually i have a really good time, get socialize and relax a bit. the ladies who go are great, even i am a little more crass and rough around the edges then they are, although i do know how to straighten up when necessary! ;}~ anyhow, last night i was a little upset by the proceedings of the evening. i'm the youngest of the bunch and there are a few other girls a bit older than me, well this one in particular kept yelling, "hurry up! ring the bell! let's go let's go!" i mean every round and for most of the night the games were rushed. well by break time i had about had it. i couldn't understand why people would come to play if they wanted to hurry up and leave or wanted to be somewhere else. it's no fun when it's rushed. our break was only about 10 minutes long and normally we go for about a half hour break. well after ten minutes she was yelling to hurry up and ring the bell and get started. well i was in the bathroom changing my tampon. i was pissed so when i came out of the bathroom i clearly stated, "i can't even change my f**king tampon!!" things kinda calmed down after that and we finished the game before ten o'clock. my aunt and kelly stayed to hang out so we all bitched together about how we didn't much care for the rushing. i told mom i would rather not play if that is how it's going to be. i mean geez, jim rushes around here all the time, the kids are crazy, the last thing i want is to rush through bunko which i supposed to be a social fun event. so we'll see how next month goes, yes we only meet once a month so what's the point of trying to get through it fast? i mean we all really like to talk to each other, sue almost died over the summer, mel had a new grandchild, sue had a new grandchild, and we didn't even get to really talk about it or see pictures because some were in a hurry. it was sad. i've been trying to cut down on the cursing, last night i couldn't help myself. i was so upset. so once again i need to start over on breaking my cursing habit. oh well. i hope i didn't offend. i didn't feel too bad though because we were at my mom's house, the house i grew up in, and when we play elsewhere i don't talk as bad! =^..^=

oh brother

so once again my brother gives my mom a guilt trip for something that was entirely out of her control. you see my dad broke ground on their add-on last saturday (pics coming soon) so jim, damion, matt and dave were there helping. jim ran the jack hammer all day and was beat down by evening! my mom and i had a wedding of a close friend we had to go to later in the day. i guess damion had called my dad the night before and gave dad the impression that melinda was coming with him. so he asked if they could bring stanton. well of course my dad said yes but when damion got there saturday melinda wasn't with him. he said she was coming later but i don't believe she had any intention of doing so. it came closer to the time for mom and me to get ready so i called melinda and asked her if she was coming. her mom said they would be there soon. so mom and i got ready to go. they showed and we hung out for a bit before we had to leave. i asked melinda if she'd be okay with the three kids, assuming she would be since she has a masters' degree in teaching children of this age or older. she said she would be fine. but of course jim had to go in and feed the girls and put mihi down because for some reason melinda can take care of strangers' kids but not her nieces. i don't understand that one. well last night my parents, the kids and jim all went out to dinner with me. damion went out of his way to call mom and make her feel bad, telling her melinda's feeling were hurt because she wasn't invited to the wedding, like mom was the one who put the guest list together or something. mom totally felt bad all night and i was wondering why he felt like mom should bear the brunt of it. i don't get it. it's not like melinda grew up around judy, it was her wedding. she only saw judy at a few of our family bbqs. it's not like melinda ever really made close friends with judy, i don't even think they spoke much at the gatherings let alone outside of the get togethers. where mom and i, and everyone else that was invited, have always been a big part of judy's life. i think melinda was just pissed because she had to watch the kids and didn't get the day off, as planned. it's not like melinda works full time let alone has to raise stanton alone. they live with her parents and there are five adults always around to help with the boy. she acts like she never gets a day off! please! not to mention they always drop him off at mom's without even planning it with her in the first place. they just assume mom will watch him. not that mom doesn't enjoy having him but i always make sure i've talked it out with mom and have a plan before i drop my kids off to be sat by her. they totally take advantage of my mom. and she works all week, her ass off too, plus she does star. she's hasn't been in the best of health lately and they still act like she should be there at the drop of a hat AND have to be responsible for their butt-hurtness!! stupid. it's like the time damion called mom to bitch that i hurt melinda's feelings when i didn't say hi to her at the salon. i was taking something to meghan's car and she knew i was coming back, if she wanted to talk and bullshit she should have stuck around, but no she left and then they call my mom to tell her i hurt her feelings. how the frick old are we? come on. i don't care what those people do i am just tired of them dragging my mom down and treating her like crap. it's not like i get to hang out with mom all the time, and they drop the boy off at her house just so melinda can go shopping with her mother, that she LIVES with. as if she never gets time with her. it pisses me off. =^..^=

from seaport to the bronx (da bronx)

"careful not to let him drown..." his eyes laughing, taking her elbow to help her up the curb. she was fixed on the tiny turtle in the mini tank with a mother's love.
"he's trying to get out of the water," she cooed, "i'll angle it like this.." she sighs as she decides on just the right angle, speaking gently to the turtle the entire time. he looks up and i throw him a smile, which to my surprise he returns.
"those have salmonella...," geanine whispered into my ear. glancing back to the turtle i wondered if the woman and her lover might have possibly acquired an unwanted pet along with the turtle. i hoped they wouldn't be affected.

so much for the diet

oh i could just kill me. i bought a dress, some a-line culottes, a black ruffle shirt, and a sweater from anthropologie. i do need new clothes. i just feel bad for spending money when i know we are in a bind. i haven't been spending as much as i would if we were okay, so i guess i can feel good about that right? i wore the dress to a close friends' wedding. it's cute, kinda reminds my of an artists' smock. it has a square neck, it's indigo blue, shift dress (kind of a mod feel), with puffy sleeves to the wrist and settles at my knees. it's simple and cute. i know i should have a pic for you but i never seem to be in front of the camera! i put some new pics of the girls on flickr! check 'em out! hope your weekend was grand. =^..^=

i freakin' LOVE you!!

oh my gosh ashley you are the BEST!! i love the print you sent me! she's gorgeous and i can't wait to add her to the collection. thank you thank you thank you!! i just can't thank you enough. for those of you who have yet to check out ashley's work you NEED to do so. her art is full of emotion and every time i look at the prints i have my heart fills. i can't express enough how much her art is worth. there could never be a price to me because it's priceless. ashley you totally rock!! i can't wait to get more of your work. jim laughs at me and says soon enough our house will an homage to ashley!! i'm working on it! *giggle....love!! =^..^=

no ordinary morning...chicane

if there was nothing that i could say
turned your back and you just walked away.
leaves me numb inside, i think of you, together is all i knew.
we moved too fast but i had no signs
i would try to turn the hands of time
i looked to you for a reason why, the love we had past me by.
and as the sun would set you would rise
fall from the sky into paradise.
is there no light your heart for me?
you've closed your eyes, you no longer see.
there were no lies between me and you
you said nothing of what you knew
but there was still something in your eyes
left me helpless and paralyzed.
you could give me your reasons
change the world and change your tides
could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
in the darkness that surrounds me now there is no piece of mind
your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind.
=^..^=

i still love you ash..

yes ashley is my favorite artist. i just love her stuff and had to buy more. i've found an artist who i think i've fallen for almost as much. his name is jeff thomas and his stuff is too cute!! i went ahead and orderd a mess of his prints, i'm going to put them up for jim, a tribute of our relationship!! i'm so excited to get his work and ash's should be here in a few days! i can't hold myself together!! ;) hee-hee =^..^=